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The best deal I ever made on a new car happened when the salesman said, “No.”
I made him an offer I knew he couldn’t accept. This derailed the get-the-buyer-to-say-yes train, putting me in control. When he finally disclosed what it took to make the sale on my terms, he and the sales manager folded like a cheap suit. After we signed the paperwork, they said, “You are the toughest negotiator we’ve ever dealt with.”
That felt good. And it illustrates why a pastor must get to “No” before the church will grow.
First, the biblical reason why this is so.
What do you need to grow a church that’s stuck?
Broadly, plateaued churches need two things to get off the dime and back on the conversion growth curve: a skilled pastor and a willing congregation. That’s the point of two crucial prepositional phrases Ephesians 4:16. I’ve re-structured the NKJV translation to highlight them:
“from whom the whole body,
A skilled pastor
The first is more obscure. Its meaning hinges on (1) the identify of the “joints” and (2) “supplies.”
The “joints” holding the church together are the people identified in Ephesians 4:11, given to provide what a church’s members need to conduct their ministry. The “supply” is that which Christ conveys to those whom he gives to his church. This means a growing church is “joined” and “knit” by that which Christ supplies to the pastors and teachers who in turn convey it to the people in order to “equip” them for service that leads to conversion growth.[1]
This is the “skilled pastor” who maintains a vital connection to Christ, receiving from him everything to equip the saints for ministry and conveying that in a way that results in motivation and qualification to serve.
A willing congregation
The second phrase is more straightforward. “As every part does its share” means everyone must minister in order for the church to experience conversion growth. The church members must do their part. This is the willing church.
Taken together these two phrases paint a lovely picture. Everything a church needs for conversion growth flows from Christ. The pastors pass it along to the people who use it to conduct ministry. The net result is conversion growth for the church.
You must get to “No!”
Helping pastors acquire the skills they need to lead conversion growth is the easy part. That’s what we do at Turnaround Pastors. Although there’s no simple formula or secret sauce, the basic principles of pastoral leadership that result in church revitalization are pretty straightforward and well known.
The harder part is moving a church from the unwilling and into the willing category. And that requires doing something that scares many pastors. You must get to the congregation’s “No!” You want to hear them say, “No, I will not lead VBS this year,” or “No, I won’t support an initiative to upgrade the sound equipment,” or “No, we won’t tolerate changes to our worship services to make guests feel more comfortable!”
“No” sounds like a dead end, doesn’t it? But that’s only because you misunderstand the power of “No.” If a “no” feels personal, if it sounds like you’re being rejected, or if it seems like a suggestion to start looking for a new address, you must rethink the issue.
“No!” means you’re closing in on the real reason the church doesn’t grow. It illuminates their unwillingness to do what they must to move that church off plateau and resume the conversion growth curve. Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss explains why “No” is vital to progress.
“No” is the start of the negotiation, not the end of it. We’ve been conditioned to fear the word “No.” But it is a statement of perception far more often than of fact. It seldom means, “I have considered all the facts and made a rational choice.” Instead, “No” is often a decision, frequently temporary, to maintain the status quo…. [Give them the right to say “No”] and the negotiating environment becomes more constructive and collaborative almost immediately…. In fact, your invitation for the other side to say “No” has an amazing power to bring down barriers and allow for beneficial communication.”[2]
Getting to “Yes!”
Once you’ve gotten the “No” that reveals hidden unwillingness, you move toward yes with open-ended questions. If you’ll take the time to engage in gracious dialog, to listen, and to ask probing, open-ended questions you’re far more likely to move them into the willingness category.
Eventually, when your people feel heard and understood, they will answer these questions in such a way that they solve the problem for you! This begins the move from “No” to “grow!”
Photo source: istock
 | Bud Brown is an experienced ministry leader, writer and educator. He is co-founder of Turnaround Pastors and co-author of the ground-breaking Pastor Unique: Becoming A Turnaround Leader. He brings special expertise to change leadership in the local church, mentoring pastors to become revitalization leaders, training churches how to find and recruit the best talent, and training leadership teams how to achieve their shared goals. Learn More » |
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