7 ways being nice hurts your church

Thom Rainer Dec. 26, 2017

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Don’t judge me too quickly on this article. This time of year, everyone in the church wants to make the days merry, bright and hopeful for the New Year. However, this topic deserves to be discussed, especially at this time of year.

I say that because, unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen again and again: Church leaders and members sacrifice the health and good of the church for fear of hurting one person—or a few. 

For the sake of an isolated few, the good of the body is sacrificed.

We think we are being nice, but we are hurting the church.

The issues

See if you can identify with one or more of these seven “nice” issues where allowing the status quo to continue is harmful.

1. We don’t make a needed personnel decision. Oh, we have good reasons, including the rationalization: “It’s not the Christian thing to do.” Most people know (may even be voicing their views privately) that we desperately need to make the change. We are just too nice to do so.

2. We are unwilling to confront sin. “Who am I to judge that person?” we often ask. That’s the “nice” rationale. But if that church member is living in open and flagrant sin, we are failing our biblical duty to confront the individual. Matthew 18:15-18 and 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 come to mind.

3. We won’t eliminate a weak program or ministry. The ministry or program has outlived its effectiveness, but we don’t want to offend the few persons who have sentimental attachments to it.

4. We are unwilling to make tough decisions on facilities. The parlor is hardly used at all, and the church very much needs the space for growing ministries. But we are unwilling to tell the keepers of the parlor we need “their” space. It just wouldn’t be the nice thing to do.

5. We compromise the Word of God. Yes, some church leaders do just that because they don’t want to seem narrow or exclusive. But, after all, the gospel is narrow and exclusive. We think telling someone they are “okay” without Christ is just being nice. But it’s like telling them they can go to hell.

6. We let volunteers continue in positions where they should not be serving. One clear example is the man who was lacking in social skills, yet was out front as part of the welcome team. Despite many attempts to help him or work around him, he kept offending guests. But no one asked him to step down. It just wouldn’t be nice.

7. We make bad financial choices. Many of these issues could impact the financial well-being of the church. For example, one church refused to eliminate the full-time student minister’s position, even though attendance had shrunk to 45 adults—mostly seniors. Not surprisingly, the church ran out of money and had to close.

Tough decisions

Sometimes we are so nice we are hurting our churches.

But perhaps the real, underlying issue is a lack of courage to make the tough decisions. 

What tough decisions are you facing? What can you do about it?

Photo source: istock

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Thom S. Rainer is the founder and CEO of Church Answers, and online community and resource for church leaders. Prior to founding Church Answers, Rainer served as president and CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources. Before coming to LifeWay, he served at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary for twelve years where he was the founding dean of the Billy Graham School of Missions and Evangelism. He is a 1977 graduate of the University of Alabama and earned his Master of Divinity and Ph.D. degrees from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Learn More »

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