3 occasions when self-awareness is vital for leaders

Dec. 7, 2018

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“Know thyself. If I knew myself, I would run away.”  –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Self-awareness is conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives and desires. 

The elder who met me at the café was discouraged and confused. How could things have gone so wrong? The small, rural congregation which he served had gone through a long line of pastors whose tenure had averaged only a few years. He had no clue as to why the pattern continued, decade after decade.

The current crisis was with a pastor who had served them for four and a half years. They thought they had interviewed him thoroughly, but they were soon disappointed with how the minister did his work. They wanted a careful scholar and diligent caregiver. The pastor wanted to “run around the community serving everybody but his members.” 

Within a couple weeks, I heard the pastor’s side of the story. Seeing himself as a God-impassioned evangelist, he couldn’t understand why the church didn’t like him. 

I was shocked at how both sides could get it so wrong. The pastor-congregational mismatch was epoch. Similar to when I’ve counseled troubled marriages, I wondered how they got together.

The answer is a serious lack of self-awarenesson both sides. Neither the church nor its leader were deliberately deceitful at the time of the hire; they simply didn’t know themselves well enough to understand they were never going to be happy together. 

Here are three occasions when self-awareness is vital for leaders. 

1. Self-awareness is vital for leaders when they are seeking new positions. 

A few years ago I studied the job description for the executive leadership of a Christian organization. I thought it was interesting. A good friend quickly observed that I was a poor match for the position. My wife concurred. I saw it too after they mentioned it, but not before. 

2. Self-awareness is vital when the leader deliberates his or her priorities.

Not knowing yourself can cost you a lot of time. If you’re not aware of your strengths, weaknesses, dark side, passions, etc., you can spend enormous amounts of time doing the wrong things: 

• Leading the worship band when you ought to be training a leader for the worship band

• Doing pastoral care when you ought to be training others who will do it better than you will

• Calling church guests, which you’ve never been skilled at

Can you imagine your favorite NFL team using its running backs as linemen and linemen as wide receivers? The players would never stand for it. They know themselves too well for such nonsense. So should we.

3. Self-awareness is vital when the leader is dealing with conflict. 

Every leader has to deal with conflict and every leader responds—physically, mentally, emotionally—in ways that are typical and predictable for that individual, if that individual knows himself.

Are you aware of your own typical responses to conflict?  In what ways do you respond well? In what ways do you respond poorly? What do you have to watch out for? 

Speed Leas’ materials, Discover Your Conflict Management Style,are well knownand readily available. Inventories such as the Birkman Method personality assessment can be very insightful as well. 

Self-awareness is vital when we are seeking a new position, when we are determining our priorities and when we’re dealing with conflict.  

Here’s how the apostle Paul put it: “For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (Romans 12:3). 

Photo source: istock 

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