11 lousy listening habits leaders must avoid

Charles Stone Aug. 22, 2019

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Listening is one of the most important competencies a leader can use. Leaders who listen well, lead well.

But sometimes even good leaders slip into bad listening habits. As you read these bad habits below, mentally check which one(s) you most easily slip into.

Lisa J. Downs, author, listening expert, and former president of the American Society for Training and Development believes this list captures our worst listening habits.

1. Daydreaming: thinking about unrelated topics when someone else is speaking.

2. Debating: carrying on an inner argument about what is being said.

3. Judging: letting negative views influence us.

4. Problem solving: yearning to give unasked-for advice.

5. Pseudo-listening: pretending to be a good listener.

6. Rehearsing: planning what you want to say next.

7. Stage hogging: redirecting the conversation to suit your own goals.

8. Ambushing: gathering information to use against the other person.

9. Selective listening: only responding to the parts of the conversation that interest us.

10. Defensive listening: taking everything personally.

11. Avoidant listening: blocking out what you don’t want to hear

How many of these bad listening habits have you inadvertently slipped into?

If you mentally checked one or more, consider these tips.

• Ask a close friend to give you feedback on how well you listen.
• As you listen to someone, monitor your thoughts to catch yourself before you slip into one of these habits. The term for monitoring your thoughts is called metacognition, thinking about your thinking.
• Simply talk less. The acronym W.A.I.T. has helped me listen better and talk less. It stands for Why Am I Talking?
• Read the book Words Can Change Your Brain by Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman. It’s an insightful book on communication from which this list came.

Photo source: istock 

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Charles Stone coaches and equips pastors and teams to effectively navigate the unique challenges ministry brings. By blending biblical principles with cutting-edge brain-based practices he helps them enhance their leadership abilities, elevate their preaching/ teaching skills, and prioritize self-care. A pastor for over 42 years, he has served as a lead pastor, associate pastor, and church planter. He published seven books, and over 300 of his articles have appeared on various Christian leadership websites. He holds four earned academic degrees, including a D.Min. and a Ph.D. Learn More »

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