Why leaders must excel at listening to their hearts

Christian Muntean Sept. 17, 2018

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I just left the neurologists’ office. The doctor had prescribed a full battery of tests. She told my wife, “We believe you are going to be all right. Completely fine. But we want to be sure.”

As I drove back to my office, I felt unfocused in my thoughts and uncomfortable. My mind started to search around for something that might make me feel better. 

Then, I realized my chest felt tight. I wasn’t breathing deeply. I was feeling stressed. 

I prayed, “Lord, why am I not at peace? We’ve just received the best news we’ve heard all week. Why don’t I feel grateful? Why do I feel stressed?” 

Why listening matters

Most of a lifetime of not listening to my heart has only brought me trouble. I was raised to ignore feelings: “Just do the right thing. The feelings will follow.” 

Over the last 10 years or so, I’ve slowly started to learn that a lack of awareness of my own inner life leads to a reactive outer life. 

Too many leaders are reacting. Reacting to fear, anger, jealousy, frustration, “righteous indignation.” Something. 

Reactionary leadership is poor leadership. It is leadership through the rearview mirror. 

It’s moving forward based on what happened in the past. 

Some might say that it’s about what you are afraid might happen in the future. But those fears are usually fears about the past. 

Robust leadership focused on the road ahead. Not the road behind. 

Become a better leader by listening to your heart

The psalmist asks himself, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why are you disturbed within me?” 

He doesn’t have a ready answer, but he feels that something isn’t right. 

A coach once advised that I identify the emotion that I woke up with each morning. 

I didn’t realize that I woke up with any feeling other than a full bladder. 

But I complied with the exercise. As it turns out, I feel a full spectrum of emotions first thing in the morning. Some, I feel intensely. 

I found that I woke up feeling things like anxious, guilty, frustrated, excited, happy or sad. I felt feelings I didn’t know how to describe.  

I had been oblivious. My whole life, I had no idea. It’s like there was this whole other self I had never met. 

Unconscious to my own self, I had begun each day reacting to a strongly felt but unacknowledged emotional driver. 

Because I didn’t recognize it, I couldn’t say: 

“Why am I feeling this way? Should I be feeling this way? How do I want to feel? How do I really want the day to go?”

Instead, out of a feeling of anxiety, I might move to control things around me, snap at my spouse, grump at staff—and write it off to, “Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.” 

When I stopped to listen to what was really in my heart, I stopped reacting as much. I started choosing. 

When I started to choose, I started to lead myself. When I became better at leading myself, I became better at leading others. 

Weirdly, the more in touch I became with my emotions—the less emotionally driven I became. 

Does that make sense? When I was busy being stoic, I couldn’t recognize all of what was pinging around inside of me. 

Instead, I was reacting. Of course, I’m a master rationalizer. So, my reactions all made sense. 

But that didn’t make them great leadership choices. 

How to slow down and listen

I move fast. My family, my clients, my obligations—there is always a lot of noise and movement around me.  

It’s easy to get swept away in it all.

When I learned to slow down and listen to what is going on in me – I found that I could do other things better: 

• I am able to listen and care about others better. 
• I realized that much of my busyness is self-generated and unproductive—I can stop it. 
• I was able to shake off troublesome patterns in my life. 
• I was able to lead more effectively, with less apologizing and catching up. 

Slowing down isn’t a new idea. Many leaders in scripture took time to pull away. Presumably to listen. 

Jesus took time away as well. 

Too often, we feel guilty if we allow ourselves to be still. Our minds are immediately overrun with everything that has yet to be accomplished. 

All kinds of emotions that seem to bubble up. We don’t like it. So, we get busy again. To drown out that voice. 

The psalmist asks again, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why are you disturbed within me?” 

I never got a clear answer as to why I felt so stressed after leaving the doctor’s office. Maybe I had been holding it in, trying to be strong for my family up to that point. Maybe I finally felt I could let it out. 

I don’t know. 

I never got an answer. Neither did the psalmist. At least not from what was written. 

But because I knew how I felt, I could make better choices that day. I didn’t have to react. I could step back into leading based on the future I want to build—not fears of the past.

Photo source: istock 

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Christian Muntean is a seasoned expert in fostering business growth and profitability. With a Master's degree in Organizational Leadership and certifications as a Master Coach, Certified Exit Planning Advisor (CEPA), and International Mergers & Acquisitions Expert (IM&A), he guides entrepreneurial leaders through growth, succession planning, and exit strategies. He is an accomplished author of three books, including Train to Lead. Christian resides in Anchorage, Alaska, with his family.  Learn More »

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