Why I want more toxic people in my life
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At the beginning of every new year, people make declarations. "I'm going to be a better person." "I will move on from old hurts." Or, and I love this one, "I will get the toxic people out of my life."
Who are the toxic people in your life? Are you following a biblical example by declaring this?
These are the thoughts that run through my mind whenever I hear people declare they're done with toxic people. Today, I want to make a new declaration. I am not done with toxic people. In fact, I want more toxic people in my life.
Call me crazy, but I love toxic people. Nancy Irwin defines toxic people as those who are abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally.
I can get down with Irwin's definition. Those words sound like a toxic person. They even describe a person I wouldn't want to be around.
But something has changed in me. I want more of these people in my life. I want more people who are abusive, unsupportive, and unhealthy emotionally.
Why in the world would I want more toxicity in my life?
BECAUSE TOXIC PEOPLE ARE HURTING PEOPLE.
It is easy to write off someone who hurts us or hurts others. Who would want people like that in their life?
It's true, toxic people will hurt you at some point. They'll see a weakness or a hurt, and attack you like a lion hurts a wounded zebra.
Rather, we're called to love on the wounded and the hurting, and therefore on the toxic people in our lives.
They don't necessarily wantto be unkind, mean, or evil. Toxic people are toxic because they are hurting.
And hurting people hurt people.
Their pain overflows from their lives into ours. They hurt us because they're hurting.
And that is why I want more toxic people in my life.
They're longing to be loved. To have someone say "I've got you, brother."
We can do better than abandoning the wounded and hurting. We can choose to pick up our cross and suffer with them. We can show toxic people they are loved and cared for.
In addition to loving toxic people, we need to be willing to support them.
Choose to listen to and support the toxic person in your life. Listen to them. Hear their story. Discover what makes them tick (and hurt).
You may discover they experienced a similar situation in their life as you. Their choice in how to handle it may have been different and that has led to their toxicity. Help them to understand different choices can be made. Support them in turning their lives around.
Toxic people can be too much for you alone. Their constant negativity and unhealthy attitudes can bring you down.
There is a time to leave toxic people to their own desires.
Set clear boundaries. Communicate the consequences of crossing the boundaries.
Sometimes leaving a toxic person or friendship is the only recourse left. You have to make the decision for yourself. The choice to leave a friendship is never easy but sometimes it is the right thing.
 | Joseph Lalonde is an award-winning leadership blogger and hosted the Answers From Leadership podcast. He desires to see 20-somethings step into their God-ordained roles as leaders. Previously, on the E3 staff and currently serving in the Catalyst youth ministry of Gateway Church, Joseph has mentored many students and has seen their lives changed through this teaching. His mission is to help equip leaders with the knowledge and information to boost their leadership to the next level. This article was first published on JMLalonde.com. Used with permission Learn More » |
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