Why all workplace conflict isn't the same

Christian Muntean Aug. 20, 2022

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When it comes to conflict in the workplace, the most common interpretation I hear is, "They have a personality conflict." This statement is a meaningless catch-all. It helps satisfy our need for an explanation but it doesn't provide a useful diagnostic. Other equally unhelpful explanations might be: "He's kind of a jerk." Or "She's under a lot of stress lately."

If you're the kind of leader who wants to create healthier, more respectful, yet more robust interactions in your workplace, you can't accept these answers. You need to dig deeper. Here's how:

Kinds of conflict

The triggers of conflict can be diverse. Learning to differentiate between them and choosing the best responses to them supports our ability to respond proportionally and accurately. One of the most powerful skills in conflict resolution (and leadership, sales, parenting, or anything else that deals with human motivation) is the ability to differentiate what someone really wants from how they believe those desires will be satisfied within the situation that brought the question to light.

Almost all conflicts can be divided into two different types: "substantive" and "personal." Differentiating between the two is important because it's easy for one to bleed over into the other. However, resolution usually comes from identifying and addressing the conflict at its core. Let me describe these two types:

Substantive conflicts: "It's NOT about you"Substantive conflicts are usually about how things are done, why they are done, or differing understandings regarding what is going on/background information.

• How: A conflict about "how" is often a conflict over process. This manifests in the workplace when there is confusion over how decisions are made, what departments are supposed to communicate, or how teams are supposed to work together. It very often is about ambiguity regarding roles and responsibilities and what can be expected from someone.

• Why:A conflict is about "why" is often a conflict over values. One department or individual may place a higher value on cost-cutting. Another may place a higher value on pleasing a customer. It's likely that both saving costs and pleasing customers are good things to pursue. However, sometimes we weigh the two differently when we make choices.

• What:A conflict about "what" is often a conflict about confused, inaccurate, or different information and can create significant conflict. Wrong directions, misunderstood expectations, financial statements with or without narratives, and lack of background and context information all can contribute to conflict.

Personal conflicts: "It IS about you."Personal conflicts at work are often painful and confusing. Current conflicts might be about history (either between the people involved or an individual's history), insufficient trust, a lack of feeling cared about, and a lack of confidence in competence.

• History:A conflict about "history" is usually about one of two different things:
  • The history of the people directly involved.They may be arguing over plans for an office remodel but the magnified emotions come from an argument they had 5 years ago and the ongoing resentment that has built since that time.
  • The history of an individual. Someone may have had a strong negative experience with a "type" of person (gender, ethnicity, position of authority, etc.) in the past and they are projecting emotions from one relationship's history onto a different relationship with someone of a similar "type."
• Care:A conflict about "care" happens when someone doesn't feel valued or doesn't believe their interests are being taken into consideration. It's possible they're not liked or valued; or, they're accustomed to affirmations or value being shown in a particular way. Or it might be that value just hasn't been sufficiently expressed.
• Competence:A conflict about "competence" is usually about trust and respect. It emerges when there is a lack of confidence that someone else can actually be trusted to do something well.

There is a strong tendency for substantive conflicts to create personal conflicts. Similarly, due to breakdowns in communication and cooperation, personal conflicts can start to generate substantive conflict.

It's rare, as John and Carol argue over whether or not an order was manufactured correctly, they'll tell you, "This is a substantive conflict over data." What you will hear them say is, "John is being stubborn again." Or, "Carol never gets the details right. How hard is this job?" People tend to react to the judgment in these statements and it, thereby, increases the tension.

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Christian Muntean is a seasoned expert in fostering business growth and profitability. With a Master's degree in Organizational Leadership and certifications as a Master Coach, Certified Exit Planning Advisor (CEPA), and International Mergers & Acquisitions Expert (IM&A), he guides entrepreneurial leaders through growth, succession planning, and exit strategies. He is an accomplished author of three books, including Train to Lead. Christian resides in Anchorage, Alaska, with his family.  Learn More »

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