When to ask and when to tell
Adobe
Learning to quickly assess situations will enable you to have the right mix of questions and statements to support the desired outcome. Today, I'd like to share one of my favorite mental models.
Let's say one of your team members (we'll call him Dave) was on the agenda to provide an update on your team's performance at a quarterly meeting. Your team has been busting their tails and has seen remarkable improvement over the last twelve months. When presenting, Dave left out several key details and shared the wrong data because he hadn't updated a slide from when he shared the report last year. When questioned, Dave seemed uncertain as he glanced back at the slide, but still defended his (incorrect) stance before fumbling through the remainder of the presentation.
Now let's take a look at that mental model...
The Ask vs Tell spectrum
In your mind, imagine a spectrum. The left side represents only asking questions. On the far left side, you ask and you listen, but you don't provide any directives or statements of your own. The far right side represents only telling. On the far right side, you share clear directives and expectations, you give advice, and you do most of the talking. All other points along the yellow line represent some percentage of asking and telling within a dialogue.
The goal is to be as far to the left as is supportive of the desired outcome. Why? Because people often have an incredible capacity to self-teach when given the space to reflect and strategize. Processing through answers to questions allows another person to be a more active player in their learning than when they are spoon-fed a directive. Even so, different situations call for different responses.
Let's revisit that situation with Dave. When you see Dave after the quarterly meeting, you'll want to start with a question to assess where on the Ask vs. Tell spectrum you may need to be.
Ask: "So, how do you think that went?"
This question is wide open and allows us to get a sense of where Dave is at as he self-assesses. Let's look at two different ways this could play out.
Scenario #1
You: "So, Dave, how do you think that went?"
Dave:"That was a train wreck. I saw the confused looks on everyone's faces and I froze and got defensive. I realized after I sat back down that I had forgotten to swap last year's slide with this year's so I showed the wrong data. This was an opportunity to celebrate our growth and I missed it. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to reach out to Paul to explain what happened and share the updated data slide with a note from myself sharing the correct information. Next year when it's our turn to report out, I'll be sure to have Karen take a look at the slide decks for a peer review to ensure I haven't missed anything."
Well, there you go! There's not much else for you to say aside from a quick "Great! Thanks for being thoughtful in your follow-up. Sounds like you've got it all under control. Let me know how I can support you."
This isn't passive leadership. It's empowering leadership
This is an instance where Dave demonstrated full awareness of the situation and the initiative to clean it up on his own. All you had to do was ask a wide-open question and he did the rest. Providing Dave the opportunity to walk through his own solution likely felt much better to him than if you had pulled him aside after the meeting to lecture him and spoon-feed him a solution.
That's an ideal case. It's often not that easy. Let's look at that same scenario unfolding much differently.
Scenario #2
You: "So, Dave, how do you think that went?"
Dave: "I thought it went pretty well! I'm not sure why Paul was questioning my data. He can be like that. Classic Paul."
Eek. It's now evident to you that there are some serious blind spots in Dave's view of the situation. This isn't the time to jump straight into a lecture. At this point, you'll move a little further to the right on the Ask vs. Tell spectrum by sharing an observation and then asking another question. (Remember, our goal is to stay as far to the left as possible and in service of Dave.)
You: "Dave, I know you've had a lot on your plate lately, and mistakes happen. You need to know that you left last year's slide in the deck when you shared the data. What can we do to resolve this?"
Dave: "Oh no... I can't believe I did that. I should probably reach out to Paul so we can clean this up with the group. What a missed opportunity."
Now we are getting somewhere. Because you brought up the slide mistake, Dave has a clearer picture of how things went. Because you didn't jump straight into advice, he was able to consider the next steps on his own. You are still a little concerned that he didn't seem to realize the data was wrong. You also worry errors are becoming a habit for Dave. While staying as far to the left as you can on the spectrum, you'll keep the dialogue going.
You: "Reaching out to Paul is a great idea. Thank you. I understand human errors happen, and they've been happening a lot lately. How can we set future presentations up for success?"
Dave: "That's a good point... I've been rushing because of the workload. I've been so underwater that I wasn't even familiar enough with our data to notice it was wrong. Karen is an awesome teammate and has a great eye for detail. She's always offering to proof things before they go out. I'll make it a habit to have her look things over before I present again. And I'll work on delegating a few things to my team to get back to a more sustainable workload."
There we go! We got to a good place in both scenarios but took a much different route. What opportunities are there for you to use the Act vs. Tell mental model as you intentionally show up in ways that empower your team?
 | Miranda Carls is an author, facilitator, and certified leadership coach. She has a passion for helping Christian professionals show up as high performers and leaders at work while remaining firmly anchored in the truth of the Gospel. Having worked with start-ups, non-profits, churches, mid-size organizations, and Fortune 500 companies, she understands the dynamics of both secular and faith-based settings. Learn More » |
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