What to do with anonymous letters from critics

Jonathan Hayashi Feb. 8, 2024

my saved content

VIEW AS
A PDF

Adobe Stock

"Dear pastor, there are at least 4 volunteer women who have things against you. Why are people leaving? I cannot put a finger on it. Rumors or not, this is what I am hearing. People are saying your messages aren't what they used to be." By an anonymous concerned member.

This was a question I raised several weeks ago to a group of pastor friends. How can one respond pastorally to a concern member?

If you are a pastor, you will periodically receive anonymous letters like this. Comments like, "People are talking" or "I can't reveal the name, but I can check" or even "It's confidential" from perhaps one of the deacons that serve under you.

- How should one respond to criticism like this?

- Should we write them off immediately?

- Is it possible to eat the meat and spit out the bones?

- How should you address these anonymous complaints that cannot be addressed to the individual?

- How would Jesus respond to these things that may have some legitimate thoughts?

Here are 3 reasons why anonymous letters are "useless" and goes straight to the trash pile in ministry settings.

1) The un-importance of the matter of accusation.

If the anonymous concern is not important enough to place a name with it, then that anonymous concern is not important enough for my time. I have counseled countless pastors who have spent so much time worrying, being anxious, and distracted from ministry as they have tried to address minuscule issues.

An anonymous letter is not worth the time to fight and battle issues. Not every hill is meant to die on and an anonymous letter is one of those that needs to be brought to the shredder. Once again, if the concern was legitimate enough, then the concern needs to be dealt with properly. Usually, the concern is so trivial, there is no merit to even be met.

Therefore, most of the time, unsigned letters go straight into the trash can as they are not helpful or insightful. Pastors don't address issues from the pulpit "anonymously" therefore, concerns of members should not be addressed anonymously as well.

2) The weak character of the anonymous complainer.

When the concern is brought up, it speaks volumes of the individual and the integrity of one's character. As we flip this script, an anonymous letter shows the individual's lack of maturity. The anonymous letter does not lead to unity or reconciliation as it brings further division and disorder in the body. If reconciliation is truly the goal, then the concern would have been brought privately in person.

There can be people saying, "Well, that person may have wanted to avoid conflict and didn't want to create a scene…." But that brings a greater sense of issue. Does God give us Christians the path of least resistance so that we do not take the biblical mandate to, "speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ" (Eph 4:15)? Doesn't the person have to speak this not "anonymously" to grow more into Christlikeness?

Therefore, anonymity can be a tool of hiding behind a mask of cowardliness with an unwillingness to work towards real solutions to real problems. Anonymous letters, anonymous comments, anonymous criticism, or any anonymous advice cannot be validated and too often can mess more with the mind of the pastor/leader rather than be helpful.

3) The residual toxic cycle of gossip hole

When an anonymous letter is addressed "incorrectly" this encourages further bad behavior in the body, which results in greater division and disorder in the body of Christ. I wish I could just say, "Thank the person and be…." but the truth of the reality is that you cannot even thank the person because they are anonymous.

Anonymous letters make it impossible, in fact, for the person to respond and help the process. As a result, the cancer of gossip begins to spread and begins to place doubt within the mind of the leader thinking, "To whom am I accountable and who does this letter belong to?" into a frenzy of doubting games within the body.

How to respond to an anonymous letter

As seen above, anonymous letters are not the way Christians handle issues. The church needs to be trained on how to deal with proper church procedures and how to respond to issues within the body.

I would personally NOT express in an announcement from up front, as you cannot respond to concerns that you don't know the offended party.

The Bible does give a way to deal biblically with issues within the body. Matthew 18 gives us a four-step process on how to deal with issues prom the private to the public arena.

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." (Matt 18:15-17).

Step 1: If a sin problem can be resolved between the two people by themselves, then the case is closed.

Step 2: If it cannot be resolved, then the offended brother should bring two or three others. Involving other people will either bring the offender to his senses or help the offended see that he should not be so offended.

Step 3: If the intervention of the two or three does not resolve the issue, the offended party is then instructed to tell it to the church.

Step 4: The final step of church discipline is exclusion from the fellowship or membership of the church, which essentially means exclusion from the Lord's Table. He is to be treated as someone outside of God's covenant people, someone who should not partake of Christ's covenant meal.

It is important to remember that Christ is our defender, and not the gossipers out hiding in the dark. I've witnessed too many pastors and ministers pour so much being concerned and suck their energy out of them.

So, what should you do? Avoid reading anonymous letters at all and discard them. Keep on trucking. Keep on faithfully preaching. Keep on discipling the saints.

Let us as Paul said to the Corinthians, "as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God" (1 Cor 4:1). Let us be faithful servants and faithful stewards for the cause of Christ.

my saved content

VIEW AS
A PDF

Dr. Jonathan Hayashi earned his B.A. from Moody Bible Institute with a double concentration in Pastoral Ministry and Biblical Studies; a M.A., in Congregational Leadership from Moody Theological Seminary, and Doctorate of Educational Ministry in Biblical Counseling from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He presently serves on the Executive Committee at Southwest Baptist University (Bolivar, MO) and serves on the Board of Trustees at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He served as Senior Pastor at Northern Hills Baptist Church Holt, Missouri from 2020-2022. Learn More »

• The power of an unoffendable heart (by Tom Crenshaw)
• How did Jesus deal with animosity? (by Chris Bolinger)
• Why does the term "social justice" divide so many? (by Chris Bolinger)
• Why a pastor did not survive a difficult church: an interview (by Thom Rainer)

Free eBook

Steps to Launching Your Personal Workplace Ministry

Have you ever felt the pull to full-time ministry work as a missionary or pastor? If not, you can still make a Kingdom impact without quitting your current job. In this eBook, you will learn the four essentials that can change your perspective of work, your workplace, and most importantly, your heart.

Download Now