The power of an unoffendable heart

John O Leary shares a powerful lesson on forgiving love and radical reconciliation. I share it in his own words, and I hope it speaks to your heart like it did to mine.

"Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to face and overcome powerful emotions."—Desmond Tutu

"Of course I will, Dad."

These were the last words Dave Gibbons ever shared with his father.

Given their past, the fact that he spoke them at all was surprising.

But even more extraordinary was what he was agreeing to do.

Let me explain.

The idyllic childhood Dave had enjoyed ended abruptly as a freshman in high school. He came home from school to his mother outside the home, weeping. She angrily revealed to Dave that his dad was having an affair and their marriage was over.

Not believing her, Dave went inside and asked his dad if it was true. His dad looked him in the eyes, reassured him that Mom was wrong, and that everything would be fine. Relieved, the boy hugged his dad.

Just a few days later, though, as Dave was cleaning his dad's car, he found a note from someone named Carolyn professing her love to his dad.

In reading that note, Dave realized his dad had lied to him, had hurt his mother, and had ripped apart their family.

The furious boy committed to never forgiving him. And for years, he passionately lived into that promise.

As a young man in college, Dave heard what he described as the unmistakable voice of God telling him it was time to forgive his dad and to recognize the freedom found in living with an unoffendable heart.

He repeatedly ignored the voice.

The voice remained persistent though, and eventually, Dave surrendered to it, called his dad, and set up a time to visit.

As Dave sat with his father and his new wife, Carolyn, he asked for forgiveness for treating them poorly for so many years. And he offered his forgiveness to each of them for mistakes they had made.

All three of them wept.

On that day, Dave didn't feel like saying those words; and his feelings about his dad and Carolyn didn't immediately change. But the relationship once again had hope.

No, it didn't remove the pain of the past, but it shifted entirely their future.

Decades later, Dave's father was diagnosed with leukemia.

As the cancer progressed, and death approached, the two men had an intimate, final conversation.

As the two men sat on the edge of a hospital bed, looking into one another's eyes with love, Dad asked Dave if he might be willing to take care of Carolyn after he died.

Carolyn. The woman who had ripped apart his family, who had ended his idyllic childhood. There was a long pause, and then Dave responded,

"Of course I will Dad."

The men looked into one another's eyes for a bit longer. His dad nodded, smiled peacefully, shut his eyes, and passed away.

My friends, we live in a society that coaches, counsels, and coaxes us, above all else, to pay attention to our feelings, to recognize them as truth, and to act on them accordingly.

Yet the story of Dave Gibbons shows a different, far-less traveled path. Not one of following feelings, but of choosing love.

Not one that holds fast to every wrong done to us, but one that embraces the freedom found in living with an unoffendable heart.

It doesn't excuse poor behavior; it just reminds us that love isn't a feeling, it's a choice.

And although the choices we make can't ever change the past, it can bring peace in the present, hope for the future, and the potential for radical reconciliation in relationships.

Don't believe me? Just ask Dave Gibbons.

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