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The deadly trap of people-pleasing and how to avoid it

Brittany Rust

The deadly trap of people-pleasing and how to avoid itiStock

When I was in high school, I remember being so insecure and afraid of what people thought of me that I used to be nervous just to walk across the cafeteria. I've often struggled over the years with what people think about me.

Do they like me?

Do they dislike me?

How do my outfit and hair look?

Am I funny or annoying?

On and on the thoughts played in my head like the dripping faucet that won't allow one any peace. I can relate to Saul's actions in 1 Samuel 15, unfortunately. But thankfully, I can also "not relate" to him because God has helped me over the years to care less about what others think and more about what He thinks. Saul missed that one.

Disobedience in fear of others

In this chapter, God orders Saul (through Samuel) to battle and defeat the Amalekites. And not just defeat them, but annihilate them. As in, kill every single human being and livestock from that nation. At the core of this, God wants to remove any trace of a wicked nation. Back in Genesis 17, in the famous scene where Aaron and Hur hold up Moses' arms during a battle, the Amalekites fight Israel. Although Israel wins, God declares back then that He will remove the Amalekites from the Earth. God always does what He declares to do.

Back to 1 Samuel 15, Saul and the nation of Israel go to battle against the Amalekites and they do win! However, "Saul and the army" spare the life of the king and keep the best livestock. In the next few verses following this, I remember just why Samuel is one of my favorite people in the Bible.

Scripture says that Samuel cried out to the Lord all night because God says He regrets having made Saul king. I want to be like Samuel, who stays up all night to intercede and cry out to God. To have that kind of determination, perseverance, humility and relationship with God. A raw intimacy that supersedes self.

The next day Samuel goes to find Saul, who ironically is building an altar to the Lord. See, Saul thinks he has done well by God. He thinks he has been obedient. However, Samuel confronts him on his obvious disobedience, having failed to kill the king and livestock. It serves as a powerful truth: partial obedience is still disobedience. Saul did not fully carry through on God's command and therefore is deemed disobedient.

Now here's where the deadly trap comes in:

"I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice" (v. 24.)

I'm so convicted by this! Saul's disobedience can be traced to his desire to please men above God. It provides a powerful example of what the deep desire for men's approval can lead to. Caring about what people think, particularly above what God thinks, does lead to disobedience.

How does one avoid such a trap? Fight the urge to care! It seems too simple, yet vague, but it's not! You have been given a moral compass and as a Christian, have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. Chances are you're set to know when something is wrong or not. And when you feel something is wrong, don't do it! Even if people are directing you to the wrong thing.

Fight the urge to care about what people think about you. You do this by finding comfort and security in your Heavenly Father, which grows as you spend more intimate time with Him. What He thinks and desires is what really matters.


Brittany Rust has a passion to see people impacted by the power of God’s Word and the beauty of His grace through writing, speaking and podcasting. She is the founder of Truth and Grace Ministries, For the Mama Heart and Truth x Grace Women, and hosts the Truth x Grace Podcast. She is the author of two books, including Here I Am: Responding When God Calls Your Name (2019) and Untouchable: Unraveling the Myth That You’re Too Faithful to Fall (2018). Learn More »

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