Journal entry: The glorious night that wrecked me
ChatGPTTwo nights ago, I couldn't fall asleep. This usually worries me, but somehow this time I settled into God, trusting him.
Surprisingly, this trust went beyond knowing he would take care of my sleep. It was like a deeper sense of overall confidence sank into my heart.
In that moment, I really trusted him with everything—my future, finances and family.
As my mind relaxed and I prayed, he taught me much over the next several hours. Here are some highlights:
1. What does it mean to love God?
How do we do love him, when we can't see him or have a "normal" conversation?
There are some practical things we can do to express our love:
Believe him
Obey him
Trust him
Surrender to him
Worship him
Quit believing and trusting in self—my skills, plans, intellect
Get to know him more and more
Suffer patiently
Realize my time of testing and trial is short
If I do these things, I can't help but love him.
2. Before I demand from God, here's what I owe him
Before we receive favor or blessings or wisdom, God wants us to:
Believe first
Obey first
Trust first
Worship first
Pray first
Fear first
Humble ourselves first
Maybe we're awaiting direction or some specific answer to prayer, or for him to move in a situation.
While we wait, his love fills the gap, reminding us that he is working for our good.
3. How the Word grows inside me
While God's Word doesn't change, my understanding of it has deepened over time.
Experiences like pain, grief, failure, suffering and disappointment have opened Scripture to me in new ways.
His sustaining love, and his deliverance through afflictions, always lead me to deeper celebration, trust, praise and worship.
These two sides of life—the hardships and pleasures—work together to grow every believer. We are spiritually stretched when hardship is followed by peace, when suffering is followed by deliverance.
The longer I'm in this cycle of pain and pleasure, the more I seem to grow spiritually. I continue to understand parts of the Bible on new levels, though its words never change.
Thank you, Lord, for your living, active Word as it lives and acts in me.
4. I need more nights like this
Not only did God graciously teach me these and many other things, but his presence drove me to intense worship.
It was deeper, purer than most of my experiences in church worship services. It felt more intimate, like it was just me and him, with no distractions pulling my attention away.
There was no worship leader, preacher or congregation. No music, lights, stained glass or steeple.
I can't remember the last time I worshiped like this. I was a mess of tears and blabbering praise. It left me gloriously tattered.
Have you ever had a night of intimate connection with him? I pray I'll have another one, and that you have one of your own soon.
The lack of sleep is worth it.
Happily tired,
Tom Harper
Founder, BiblicalLeadership.com
LinkedIn profile | Books
 | Tom Harper is publisher of BiblicalLeadership.com and executive chairman of Networld Media Group, a business-to-business publisher and event producer. He has written five books, including Servant Leader Strong: Uniting Biblical Wisdom and High-Performance Leadership (DeepWater Books, 2019) as well as the Christian business fable Through Colored Glasses and its sequel Inner Threat (DeepWater, 2022). Learn More » |
More on Leadership Devotions
- Living in complete reliance on God (by Tom Harper)
- Afflictions that help us relax in God (by Tom Harper)
- What’s next? The divine domino effect (by Tom Harper)
- Transforming worry into joy (by Tom Harper)
