How to manage necessary conflict

Mike Bonem July 31, 2020

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Consider whether you agree with the following two statements: "Churches need to innovate in order to reach their God-given potential." "Conflict in a church is a sign that we're doing something wrong."

Many church and ministry leaders would affirm both of these statements. Even if they don't verbally agree, their behavior indicates belief. They will talk about starting new programs in order to be more effective. And they will be surprised and disappointed when they encounter resistance or conflict.

So now consider a third statement: "For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate." This quote from leadership expert Margaret Heffernan captures the tension between the first two statements. You can't have true innovation without some level of disagreement. Organizations are collections of people, and each person brings their own unique personality, abilities, and experiences to the table. Any discussion is bound to produce differing perspectives about the best path forward.

So what's the solution? Some leaders move toward an autocratic style that minimizes the involvement of others in decisions and squelches dissenting views. That won't produce goodideas or trueinnovation. On the other end of the spectrum, ministry leaders may opt for peace at all costs. This tends to produce an artificial harmony and an organization that is unable to make any meaningful changes.

The better solution is to accept that conflict is necessary and learn how to manage it. How can you do this?

• Talk with your leadership team(s) about the positive side of conflict. Help them see that "good conflict" is not an oxymoron.
• Establish norms for how people interact when they have different opinions.
• When conflict occurs, don't intervene to stop it, but step in if someone's behavior crosses a line.
• Encourage the quieter voices, especially those with different perspectives, to speak up.
• Become more aware of your anxiety when conflict occurs so that you can respond in healthy ways.
• Debrief after a conflict so that the team is able to express concerns, learn how others felt, and handle it better the next time.

Conflict will never be easy, but with intentionality and hard work, it can be good.

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Mike Bonem is an author, consultant, speaker, church leader, businessperson, husband and father. He has an MBA from Harvard Business School and a breadth of experience in ministry and business, including 11 years as an executive pastor, consulting with Fortune 100 companies, and leading a start-up business. This article was first published on MikeBonem.com. Used with permission. Learn More »

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