How to lead others after they have failed you

Ken Gosnell June 26, 2019

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Every leader will face disappointment from the failures of their team. People are not perfect, and they will make mistakes because of poor decisions, misplaced priorities or lack of personal development. What the leader does in the midst of, and immediately after, a team member makes a mistake will often define the leader and will either inspire or disengage the team member.

John 21:15-19 records a significant interaction Jesus had with his disciple Peter after he had failed miserably. Peter was a committed follower and yet, at the time Jesus needed him the most, he betrayed Jesus—hurting Him more profoundly than at any other time in His life.  

Even Jesus was disappointed by the mistakes and failures of his team. This interaction is a remarkable passage to consider; it applies to every leader and every company: 

1. Focus on the relationship more than the mistake 

After Peter’s failure, he went back to his previous employment as an entrepreneur-fisherman.  When Jesus returned, one piece of essential business for Him was to restore a key follower to his rightful identity as the one who would be crucial to the lasting legacy of Christ’s work. 

When Jesus meets with Peter at the seashore, he starts by calling him by his name, “Simon son of John.” Note that Jesus does not call him Peter.  Jesus uses this term to remind Peter of the history that they had together. They had been through numerous trials and successes over the last three years, and Jesus reminds Peter that He genuinely knows this disciple because of their vibrant and close relationship. Healthy relationships lead to higher productivity; in this case, it provided an opportunity for the leader to see past the mistake to the future. 

Jesus was not going to allow Peter’s failure to define his identity. Jesus knew Peter before his mistake, and through the use of his previous name, He is signaling the truth that Jesus can help him restart again. Every team member needs to know that they will not be defined by one project, one error or one inadvertent mistake.  

2. Question the team member to consider their true purpose 

Jesus asked Peter the question: “Do you love me?” Such an inquiry might seem misplaced as it pointed to Peter’s failure. Jesus confronts this failure and asks Peter to reclaim the passion and loyalty he had proclaimed to Jesus during their three years of ministry together. Jesus reminds Peter of what he had declared repeatedly in the past. Through this question, Jesus seeks clarification from Peter, asking if he still believed and is as passionate about following Him as he once was. It is suitable for leaders to ask people after a failure if they can overcome the failure. 

Failures do not have to be fatal if they are not final in the one who failed. Failure is a great teacher. Sometimes the best action you can take for a company is to let your people fail. They can learn something of great value through the failure that will end up benefiting your company moving forward.  

3. Make an aspirational statement that moves the focus of a person from the failure to the future

After Peter’s answer to this question, Jesus moves Peter forward by making an unheard of statement that seems impossible: “Feed my sheep.” This statement is a foreshadowing of the rest of Peter’s life and his bold sermon on the day of Pentecost, where 3,000 people would decide to follow Christ. Jesus knew Peter’s future was much larger than the failure of Peter’s past. In the past, Peter denied Jesus in front of a few people, but in the future, his preaching would lead thousands to Christ. Jesus was a great leader who inspired His people to see the greatness in themselves. Peter felt like a failure, but Jesus saw a future. He knew what Peter was capable of; He called Peter to move past his failure to embrace his true calling.  

4. Remind the team member of their original purpose and help to reclaim their belief

Jesus ends the interaction with Peter with the words: “Follow me.” These words were the same words Jesus made to Peter when they first met. Every day is an opportunity to begin again. In the statement, “Follow me,” Jesus gives Peter a brand new start; He allows Peter to begin again. It is the job of the leader to help their team get back on track after a mistake or a failure. Steward leaders never expect perfection, and they always provide pathways for team members to begin again.  

Leading a business can be difficult. It is even more difficult when your team disappoints or fails you in some way. It might take days or months to get over the pain of a mistake or failure by a team member. Errors not only have to be reduced, but they have to be released. 

Photo source: istock 

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Ken Gosnell is CEO and Servant Leader of CXP (CEO Experience). CXP is a premier coaching and executive roundtable business that serves Christian CEOs in Washington DC, Maryland and Florida. Ken serves leaders by helping them and their teams to have great experiences that both transform the leader and their organizations to go further faster. Learn More »

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