How to discern and discover your true values

Charles Stone April 25, 2024

my saved content

VIEW AS
A PDF

Adobe Stock

Every leader should be clear on his or her true-north values. Such values aren't the essential values every believer should embrace like keeping the 10 commandments, obeying the golden rule, or living out Jesus' great command and great commission. Rather, they are more nuanced ones that deep down capture the essence of the real you.

These values should so infuse our souls that nothing external can cause us to compromise them. Granted, they might be aspirational, ones not yet fully developed. Nevertheless, they would describe the authentic, Christ-honoring you to which you aspire. Here's a way to discover them.

3 initial steps to prepare:

1. Seek input: Ask a few close friends, co-workers, and/or family members to write their response to this question. In your experience with me, what do you see are my core strengths, passions, gifts, and competencies?

2. Plan a personal retreat: Block out a full half-day mini-retreat in your schedule to be alone. Better yet, schedule an overnight retreat for even more time to discern your values. Bring your Bible, pen, paper, and your computer. Also, bring any personality or leadership inventories you may have taken, as well as the above feedback from your friends and family.

3. Pray: Recruit two or three prayer partners who will pray for you as you seek God's will about your values.

Steps for your discernment retreat:

At your discernment retreat, you'll notice eight parts to include. If you've scheduled a half-day, you can plan for about 30 minutes for each part. If you've scheduled an overnight retreat, you'll probably want to take an hour or so for each part. The goal for each step is to create a list of ten or less themes, words, or concepts for each category. Then you'll combine them into your final list.

1. Delights: Ask yourself, "What truly delights me? What do I love doing? What do I do that I enjoy so much that I seem to lose track of time when I do it?" Write down less than ten thoughts and ideas on a piece of paper.

2. Past: Think over your past. Write down answers to these questions.

• When you were a kid, what was fun? Where did you get your joy? What did you like doing more than anything else? What themes do see emerging?
• Move now to high school and then to college and ask the same questions.
• Combine your themes into a list of not more than ten.

3. Peak Performance: Think now of when you are at your best. Write down your answers to these questions.

• Think of peak moments in your life or career, those moments when you feel that you did your very best work or made your greatest contribution or difference. Why were those peak moments? What was true about you? What was ignited in your soul? Do you see any themes emerging?
• Last week, when were you at your best? Why?
• Last month, when were you at your best? Why?
• Last year, when were you at your best? Why?
• Approach this from the opposite direction. When are you not at your best?
• List words that describe you when you were at your best in your peak moments from your exercises above. List no more than 20. Now narrow that list to no more than 10. Play with those words a while until you get colorful, descriptive words that describe you when you are at your best.

4. Heroes: Think of those in your past or present that you'd consider your heroes.

• What qualities about them prompted you to put them on your list?
• Narrow those qualities down to less than 10.

5. Input from others: Look at the answers to the questions you posed to your co-workers, friends, and family. Make a list of themes, less than ten, that stand out from their comments.

6. Scripture: Write down the key scriptures or Bible characters that have meant the most to you in your life. Create a list of less than ten themes from those verses and characters.

7. Inventories:If you brought any personality inventories, make a list of less than ten themes you see from them.

8. Values list: Finally, look at this list of words/phrases. Circle ten or less that resonate most with you. You may start with a longer list and then pare it down to less than 10.

Combine and reduce themes to 10 or less:So by now you have eight lists of ten or less themes/words per list. You've done a lot of great work. Now it's time to prayerfully begin combining the lists into one final list of ten or so words and phrases. That final list will give you a great idea about your unique true-north values. Wordsmith that final list into phrases or concepts that resonate with you.

Add key scriptures if you want. Prayerfully commit to the Lord to live out these values. Ask Him to help you hone them the rest of your life.

Finally, record these in a way that will remind you to often revisit them. Print them and put them in your bible, on the refrigerator, or store them in a computer file that you review regularly.

my saved content

VIEW AS
A PDF

Charles Stone coaches and equips pastors and teams to effectively navigate the unique challenges ministry brings. By blending biblical principles with cutting-edge brain-based practices he helps them enhance their leadership abilities, elevate their preaching/ teaching skills, and prioritize self-care. A pastor for over 42 years, he has served as a lead pastor, associate pastor, and church planter. He published seven books, and over 300 of his articles have appeared on various Christian leadership websites. He holds four earned academic degrees, including a D.Min. and a Ph.D. Learn More »

• What can Christian leaders learn from a 20-something YouTuber? Quite a lot… (by Zac McGowen)
• Steps to Launching Your Personal Workplace Ministry (by )
• Perpetual disappointment (by Richard Blackaby)
• Working vs. waiting: living in the tension that transforms leadership (by Tim Tucker)

Free eBook

Steps to Launching Your Personal Workplace Ministry

Have you ever felt the pull to full-time ministry work as a missionary or pastor? If not, you can still make a Kingdom impact without quitting your current job. In this eBook, you will learn the four essentials that can change your perspective of work, your workplace, and most importantly, your heart.

Download Now