How to be a likeable leader

Charles Stone Aug. 10, 2023

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Great leaders lead by influence and likeable leaders influence others better. Their character, competencies, and relational skills or lack thereof, can determine their leadership effectiveness. And as a pastor, perhaps my relational skills influence my leadership impact the most.

Integral to relational skills is the vibe others feel from us. If someone feels like you like him or her, they're more likely to respond positively to your leadership. If they don't, and enough people feel the same way, your leadership will suffer. Consider these simple ways to become a likable leader.

Several times the Bible characterizes an individual or group as having a refreshing spirit.

• 1 Corinthians 16:18—For they refreshed my spirit and yours also.
• 2 Corinthians 7:13—By all this we are encouraged. In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you.
• 2 Timothy 1:16—May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, because he often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains.
• Philemon 7—Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.

You've probably met people like that. Even after a short conversation with such a person, you walk away feeling special, encouraged, and refreshed. My wife is one of those people who naturally does that. She has the gift of giving others soul refreshment.

So, how can we become more likable and thus refresh the spirits of others?

1. Be fully present with others.

It's easy as a pastor, or as anyone who deals with people in public, to skim conversations in order to make connections with the maximum number of people. However, when we don't look people in the eye and our eyes wander to the person just behind or beside them, it conveys a wrong message. Appearing distracted also conveys the wrong message. I suggest focusing on the quality of public interactions rather than on quantity which requires our being fully present.

2. Show interest in a person's personal life.

Remembering names has always challenged me. I still must work hard to remember them. Yet when I use a person's name in a conversation, it means a lot to him or her. And when I remember something personal about another and ask about it, that simple act of remembering deposits lots of refreshment into his or her soul.

3. Watch your body language.

Sometimes I can appear hurried when I'm talking to someone. I'm often in the "ready" position to move on. That's a soul refreshment drainer. But, when I face someone, slightly lean forward, and empathetically listen, that person feels honored and truly listened to. A smiling countenance will also make a great deposit. Body language communicates as much or more than our words.

4. Be your authentic self.

To create a likable persona does not mean we become an extrovert when we are actually an introvert. Neither does it mean the opposite. It means that we relate to people with our true, authentic selves. People will sense a fake and they'll sense when you are being you as well. However, being your authentic self does not mean we don't practice and continue to grow in our relational skill set. Although I'm basically an introvert, I've learned much from my wife as she is an extrovert with great people skills. I'm still an introvert by nature, but by God's grace, He continues to build into me important people skills.

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Charles Stone coaches and equips pastors and teams to effectively navigate the unique challenges ministry brings. By blending biblical principles with cutting-edge brain-based practices he helps them enhance their leadership abilities, elevate their preaching/ teaching skills, and prioritize self-care. A pastor for over 42 years, he has served as a lead pastor, associate pastor, and church planter. He published seven books, and over 300 of his articles have appeared on various Christian leadership websites. He holds four earned academic degrees, including a D.Min. and a Ph.D. Learn More »

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