Feedback isn’t punishment: it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your team
Adobe
One of my favorite moments as a coach is when a leader shares what's actually changing in their culture. Not just what they hope will change—but what's really shifting because they chose to lead with clarity and care.
A client told me recently:
"The transparency that's developed out of our Core Value conversations is probably what surprised me the most. When we see someone falling short, we bring it to light through the lens of our Core Values—not the person's character. It's changed the tone and outcome of those difficult conversations. The person, their spirit, remains unscathed. We acknowledge it. We move forward."
What a beautiful picture of healthy feedback in action.
Yet if we're honest, feedback is still one of the things many leaders dread the most. It's uncomfortable. It feels personal. It can feel confrontational. And so, too often, we put it off—or we deliver it in ways that cause more damage than growth.
Feedback shapes culture—for better or worse
Here's what I've seen again and again: Feedback, done poorly or avoided altogether, creates a culture of fear and confusion.
People fill in the silence with stories they make up. They wonder, Am I doing okay? Did my leader notice that mistake? Am I valued here?
On the other hand, feedback done well creates a culture of trust, accountability, and momentum. People know where they stand. They know what's expected. They know how to get better—and they trust that their leader wants that for them, not from them.
Why we get feedback wrong
Too often, we treat feedback like a punishment—a tool to call someone out when they fall short.
But the real power of feedback is that it calls people up. Up to the standards you've defined together. Up to the Core Values you claim to care about. Up to the best version of themselves, in the context of your shared mission.
When feedback is rooted in your Core Values, it's not personal—it's cultural. You're not attacking the person's character; you're protecting the integrity of your culture. That simple shift changes everything.
Four essentials for healthy feedback
So what does great feedback actually look like? Here's a framework I teach leaders to use—simple, but transformational when practiced consistently.
#1 Relational
Feedback lands best when there's trust and genuine relationship. If your team knows you see them, care about them, and want the best for them, even hard words are easier to receive.
This is why building real connection with your team before you have tough conversations matters so much. You can't just show up with correction if you haven't invested any care.
#2 Positive and constructive
Too many leaders only give feedback when something goes wrong. Over time, people start bracing themselves every time you say, "Can we talk?"
Flip that script. Make feedback a normal rhythm that includes both celebrating what's going right and addressing what needs work.
A steady diet of positive feedback creates openness. It builds trust. And it earns you the credibility to say the harder things when needed.
#3 Consistent
Feedback shouldn't feel like a surprise attack. It should be a steady, expected rhythm.
Make feedback part of your regular 1:1s, project debriefs, and quick hallway conversations. Normalize it so your people never have to wonder where they stand—they know, because you tell them.
#4 Thoughtful
Timing, setting, and tone matter as much as the words themselves.
A careless comment in front of others can do lasting damage. So can dropping feedback when someone's already overwhelmed or discouraged.
Leaders with strong emotional intelligence know when to hold feedback for the right moment—and how to deliver it with empathy.
Practical questions for you
Here are a few quick gut-check questions to reflect on this week:
- Do you avoid hard conversations, or engage them with care?
- Are you balancing feedback that builds up and corrects?
- Do your team members know where they stand — or are they guessing?
- Do you intentionally anchor feedback to your Core Values?
A simple framework you can use this week
If feedback makes you uncomfortable, try this simple approach:
Next time you meet 1:1 with someone:
#1 Start with "Here's what I see you doing well…"
#2 Follow with "Here's where I think you could grow…"
#3 End with "How can I support you in that?"
And then, model humility by asking for feedback yourself: "Is there anything I could do better to help you succeed?"
Be specific—invite feedback about a particular meeting, project, or situation. The more specific your ask, the safer people feel to be honest.
A final reminder
Your culture will not drift toward clarity—it drifts toward confusion by default.
Leaders who care enough to be clear—and brave enough to give feedback—are the ones who build cultures that last.
So, don't shrink back from the uncomfortable conversations. Don't let silence do the talking.
Be the leader who calls people up, not out. The trust and momentum you build on the other side are worth it—every time.
 | Jenni Catron is a writer, speaker, and leadership coach who consults churches and non-profits to help them lead from their extraordinary best. As Founder and CEO of The 4Sight Group, she consults with individuals and teams on leadership and organizational health. Learn More » |
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