Embracing conflict

Mike Bonem June 15, 2018

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I spend most of my time working with the leaders of churches and other ministries. For the majority of them, “embracing conflict” seems like a bad joke. They wouldn’t deny the reality of conflict. In fact, they are often worn down by the constancy of it. However, they do treat “conflict” as a bad word, something to be avoided as much as possible. 

Leadership expert Patrick Lencioni identifies the “fear of conflict” as one of “five dysfunctions of a team.” He says that the antidote to this dysfunction is to embrace conflict. I know the standard pushback, “Maybe that's OK in business, but not in a church.” Or, “We're supposed to be nice to others, and conflict isn’t nice.” Then there is, “I don't want anyone to get hurt.”

For the next few seconds, consider that conflict could be an essential and valuable part of effective leadership, even in Christian organizations.

Now consider God’s preferred future for your church or ministry. Does it look quite different than today’s reality? How will you move toward that future? 

If you're honest with yourself, the leadership to get there will be hard work. It will require navigating differing perspectives and opinions. Sounds like conflict, right?

Part of our problem with conflict is the word. We often associate “conflict” with destructive, take-no-prisoners battles. Perhaps it helps to consider Lencioni's explanation that conflict is “the willingness to disagree around important issues and decisions that must be made ... An attempt to find the best possible answer” (The Advantage). That sounds different and inevitable if we’re going to take healthy steps forward.

The other frequent problem for ministry leaders is a deep-seated desire to keep everyone happy. We remember “blessed are the peacemakers” and forget that the person who spoke those words also chased the moneychangers out of the temple. 

It’s simply impossible to lead well and not encounter some conflict. The most eloquent words or most inspiring vision may help, but they won't save you from all challenges. 

Occasionally, I encounter a ministry leader who enjoys stirring the pot and seems unaffected by conflict. This article isn’t for you. For all others, who are the vast majority, is it time for you to redefine and then embrace conflict? 

Photo source: istock 

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Mike Bonem is an author, consultant, speaker, church leader, businessperson, husband and father. He has an MBA from Harvard Business School and a breadth of experience in ministry and business, including 11 years as an executive pastor, consulting with Fortune 100 companies, and leading a start-up business. This article was first published on MikeBonem.com. Used with permission. Learn More »

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