Do you try to manipulate God?

Phillip Foster Sept. 17, 2022

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Another way to describe manipulation in relationships is "love bombing." Love bombing occurs when one person seeks to manipulate or control another through such tactics as excessive compliments, identifying with common interests, wanting to take things to the next level too quickly, crossing personal boundaries, and attempting to point out connectedness that doesn't really exist.

To illustrate, let's look at the story of the rich young ruler in Luke 18:18-23. The young man approaches Jesus with a flattering salutation, "Good teacher, what must I do to have eternal life?" He identifies with the topic Jesus had just been teaching about, how to inherit eternal life, making sure Jesus knew that he was interested in the same thing.

He appears to be trying to make a favorable impression on Jesus. When Jesus reminds him that he needs to follow the commandments, he swiftly dismisses what Jesus says by claiming that he has followed all of them since being a youth. He appears to want Jesus to recognize he is ready to move on to the next level. But Jesus has one more challenge.

Note that Jesus doesn't list all the commandments, but he includes one that is most relevant to this young man, "Love your neighbor as yourself." After hearing the young man's response, Jesus replies, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give it to the poor" (i.e., love your neighbor).

The young man never said he wanted to be perfect, but that is how he presented himself. He wasn't trying to make Jesus feel better. He wanted Jesus to do that for him. He wanted Jesus to give him validation. But instead, he walked away "sorrowful."

So, the young man got what was coming to him.

What does that have to do with our "love bombing" God? Are we ever guilty of exaggerated displays of love and affection towards God? Do we attempt to demonstrate our love by the sacrifices we make of our time, our resources, our efforts and our energies?

Do we strive for perfection and find it difficult to accept failure because we believe anything less than that is undeserving of the God we serve? Do we fail to find time to just be with God and to rest in His presence because we just have too much to do?

Or do we come to him real and vulnerable? Do we allow ourselves to complain to God? Can we let God know we aren't very happy with what He asks of us? Can we come before Him and cry and scream and even yell? Can we admit we don't always trust Him to be there for us? That we don't always feel close to Him?

When we attempt to "love bomb" God, we are going to miss out on the ways in which He wants to bless us. When we come to him with honesty and transparency and tell him our need, we will find with Paul that His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in our weakness (1 Corinthians 12:9).

I believe God would rather I pour out my heart to him. He would rather I be honest. And I know it is in best interests to do so. I need to understand that I can't manipulate God to get what I want. He knows I won't always like His ways, but He wants me to trust Him.

I am reminded of S. D. Gordon's words, "Prayer does not and cannot change the purpose of such a God. For every right and good thing we might ask for He has already planned to give us. But prayer does change the action of God because He cannot give against our wills, and our willingness as expressed by our asking gives Him the opportunity to do as He has already planned" (A Man for God's Plan).

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Phillip A. Foster, Ph.D., as a psychologist and Director of AuthenticQuest.org, provides spiritual direction, counseling, training and consulting, to those in ministry or other roles of leadership in the church. He is the author of Here's My Heart, Lord; Parent With an Attitude, and Not Good Enough. Learn More »

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