Conflict: offense or opportunity?

Adam Erlichman Sept. 26, 2024

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People often see conflict as bad. Many evade conflict at all costs through people-pleasing or avoidance altogether. Conflict can be uncomfortable, stressful, and hurtful. At worst, it can sever and ruin relationships that were once near and dear. The heart may ache from conflict—unresolved conflict, that is. So often thought, offense is the seed of conflict. Is it possible that conflict creates opportunity and not merely offense? Absolutely. Conflict is an opportunity, not just an offense.

Conflict isn't always bad

Contrary to popular belief and most people's experience, conflict isn't always bad. Innately, disputes, disagreements, or offenses can reveal misunderstandings between people. Living in a fallen, broken, and sinful world means that there will be conflict. However, conflict can serve as the MRI machine to reveal a deeper issue between individuals that was unseen outwardly until the conflicting matter arose. Instead, conflict can lead to opportunity. Lots of opportunities…

Conflict = opportunity to grow

Conflict is an opportunity to grow in multiple ways: relationship, understanding, communication, holiness, patience, and more. When there's a misunderstanding, it forces people not to assume matters about the other individual. They must go and "Ask" rather than "Accuse" them of the offense that caused the conflict. Underlying the "Ask" requires patience to not leapfrog to conclusions past rational, reasonable explanations as to why or how the person may have offended you. Much of the time, an offense is unintended and not malicious. Allow conflict to be an opportunity to "grow" in understanding, patience, and . . .

Conflict = opportunity to learn

Learning. Interpreting an initial offense never tells 100 percent of the story. One's fortunate to get 50 percent of the contributing factors that led to the offense. Realizing that all the information is rarely perceived from an initial offense helps slow down an unnecessary escalation between two people. Conflict increases the opportunity for learning. When conflict comes, become an academic, not an accuser. Be a student, not a sufferer of your conflictive circumstance. Learn more about the full story. Learn about the person's makeup and wiring. Learn about their communication style. Learn about how you interpret things. Learn more about your insecurities and shortcomings.

Conflict = opportunity to deepen relationships

Conflict doesn't create a chasm in a relationship. Instead, it creates an opportunity to deepen and bridge a relationship. Does conflict come in the honeymoon or years into the marriage? According to the US Census Bureau, the average marriage lasts eight years before it ends in divorce. What closer relationship could a person have than marriage? In the same way, conflict comes later in friendships. The lie that the Deceiver would have you believe is this,

"Conflict means we're failing at our relationship." NOT TRUE!

Conflict means you are deepening your relationship with another person. People are imperfect, sinful in nature, and an ongoing, never-arrived project on this side of glory. Therefore, the more you get to know a person, the more opportunities you will have for offense. So, how do you ensure conflict deepens your relationship instead of damaging it?

Conflict = gospel opportunity

Insert the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died on the cross to forgive the sins of all who believe in him, had his blood shed to declare us righteous before God the Father, was buried, and rose three days later to conquer sin, death, and Satan. The most significant and offensive conflict is humanity's sin against an all-holy, righteous God. In response, he exemplified patience, long-suffering, empathy, love, and grace. Without conflict, God's people could never grow and apply these beautiful Christlike characteristics in their own lives. Conflict is an opportunity to live the gospel towards one another with forgiveness, patience, love, grace, and more. When the gospel is lived, conflict becomes fertile soil for deepening relationships that exemplify Christlike community with one another. Be patient, long-suffering, gracious, caring, empathetic, and forgiving in your conflict resolution with others. Embody and show others Christ amidst your conflict.

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Adam Erlichman is a Pastor, Consultant, and Best-Selling Author with Build Groups, LLC. He has served on various church staffs in Executive, Life Groups, Discipleship, Young Adult and Youth ministries and has written assessments, training processes, and resources including Group Leader Training. Adam serves on the Southern Baptist Texas Convention (SBTC) Discipleship Team/Board and occasionally blogs for the Small Group Network. He also guest speaks on podcasts such as Everyday Theologian and disciple FIRST.   Learn More »

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