Caring for the leaders who cared for us

Bob Russell June 18, 2019

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The most recent issue of World Magazine focused on the growing problem of dementia and the church’s responsibility to minister to the elderly. The “Not Forgotten” feature pointed out that being pro-life should mean valuing every life—from conception to the grave. 

The writer, Jamie Dean, added, “As aging Americans increasingly grapple with dementia, churches have a growing opportunity to minister to exhausted caregivers and to comfort the forgetful.”

Touching a nerve

The article touched a chord because my mother suffered from dementia the last eight years of her life. When it was no longer safe for her to live by herself, she was admitted to an extended care facility and almost immediately confined to an Alzheimer’s unit. 

My sister, Rosanne, lived nearby and visited her regularly. Each of her other five children lived hundreds of miles away and came to visit as often as possible.

Those visits were not easy. Conversation with a dementia patient can be awkward and draining. It’s depressing to see someone you love slipping away. Tempting to conclude our visits accomplish nothing. So why bother?

Near the end, my mother didn’t recognize me and couldn’t carry on a conversation. But at the conclusion of one visit, I read Psalm 23. She perked up and repeated almost the entire Psalm. God’s Word was written on her heart and she somehow remembered it.

Familiar memories 

On my final visit, I saw no visible response, even when I read the Bible. After several minutes of frustrating silence, my brother said, “Mom, remember your favorite hymn, ‘There is a fountain’? Let’s sing it.” 

For the first time that day, we made a connection. When we sang, she brightened up and joined us in the familiar refrain: “There is a fountain filled with blood, drawn from Immanuel’s veins.” 

The moment the song was over, she slipped back into that dark hole of detachment. Still, for a few seconds, we had shared our common faith again.

I frequently walk through care facilities where those suffering severe memory loss are sitting alone in wheelchairs or rockers, seemingly waiting to die. Staff members report that many patients go for months without receiving a visit or even a card from loved ones.  

Dr. Benjamin Mast, a dementia researcher at the University of Louisville, warns that churches also are prone to forget those who are no longer in the pews. One pastor suggested to him, “The church has an Alzheimer’s disease of its own.”

Indeed. We can carelessly forget those who made genuine contributions to our lives and erase their memory from our minds as they age because they inconvenience us.

Caring for members

It’s estimated the number of dementia patients will triple by 2050. Churches would do well to go the extra mile in caring for elderly members with fading recall. 

• This may mean providing a family restroom at the church building so those caring for an absent-minded mate who can still attend services so they can accompany their loved one to the restroom. 
• Some churches are introducing support groups for caregivers and taking communion to members who can no longer attend worship. 
• Some are providing day care for the elderly or extended in-home visits to give weary caregivers a few hours of relief and free time.

World related an inspiring example of offering continued respect. When Patrick Mead took his father to a dementia care facility, he wanted people to know about the important new resident in room 14. So he taped this note to his dad’s door:

“My name is Bill Mead. I was born in abject poverty. I became a warrior (U.S. Navy, Korean War era). I then laid aside my weapons and became a minister and a missionary, spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . 

“I am slowly leaving this earth for my heavenly home. This may take a while. Thank you for remembering who I was and who I am. I am a man, a warrior, a missionary, a father, a friend and so much more. I have one more river to cross.”

Patrick Mead was determined that his father would be respected even when he didn’t appear to merit it to those who knew nothing of his past. That’s love. That’s honoring your father until the heavenly Father calls him home.

May we do the same.

Photo source: istock 

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Bob Russell became the pastor of Southeast Christian Church at just 22 years old. That small congregation of 120 members became one of the largest churches in America, with 18,000 people attending the four worship services every weekend in 2006 when Bob retired. Now through Bob Russell Ministries, Bob continues to preach at churches; conferences throughout the United States, provide guidance for church leadership, mentor other ministers and author Bible study videos for use in small groups. Learn More »

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