A sad truth about those disciples you’ve made

Bud Brown May 8, 2019

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It felt like a knife in the ribs.

Quick. Sharp. Excruciating.

“Pastor, we are so thankful for the time you’ve invested in us since we moved to the area. Thanks to you our marriage is on solid ground, and our spiritual lives are more vibrant than ever. We are deeply grateful for your ministry to us during this trial.”

“But we’ve decided it’s time for us to attend New Life Church down the street. They have a large group of young professional couples and we’ve already made some friends there. We think it will be a better fit for us going forward.”

If you’ve not felt the tip of that blade pressing in on your fragile ego, you will eventually. It feels like a betrayal. It hurts, deeply. You’ve invested a great deal of time, energy and prayer discipling someone only to have them abandon you for reasons that often make no sense.

But it only hurts if you live with the unspoken assumption that disciples make enduring commitments to their teachers that never fail. If you live with the expectation that your hard work of discipling another will be rewarded with unwavering loyalty, you’re in for a big, sharp surprise.

The uncomfortable truth about disciples is that only a small percentage remains loyal. The vast majority, well north of 85 percent, eventually drop out or move on.

Jesus held disciples loosely

A telling passage is found in John 6, the well-known Bread of Life discourse. When Jesus finished his address, we read of the crowd’s response, “from that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more” (John 6:66). Perhaps he wasn’t the Messiah they expected, but it is more likely that they objected to his radical teaching about the life of faith and following.

Jesus wasn’t shocked by their stepping away from the disciples’ life. I would have been and so, probably, would you. What happens next reveals Jesus’s attitude toward discipleship and those who set out to follow. He turns to those closest to him and offers them the opportunity to leave as well.

Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?” But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also, we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God (John 6:67–69).”

Jesus expected that the twelve would remain with him, but offered them an out. The subtext of his question is permission: “you’re free to go if you want.”

Peter’s reply “to whom shall we go?”, “you have the words of eternal life,” and “we believe and know that you are the Christ” nails a crucial distinction between disciples who drop out and those who persevere: a firm conviction that the joys of eternal life are found in Jesus alone.

Disciples are self-selecting

The exchange sheds light on an oft-neglected truth that pastors always bear in mind, namely, that disciples are self-selecting. All believers are invited to follow the Rabbi, many rise to the occasion, but in time all but a few remain faithful to the call. Jesus warns that while many may initially respond to the invitation with enthusiasm, most will fall by the wayside for a variety of reasons (Luke 9:57–62).

Focus on the faithful

Don’t fret, pastor, over those who jump ship. Rather than lament the personal pain they inflict by their departure, learn to distance yourself. Remind yourself, “this isn’t about me; it’s about them.” For reasons you may never understand, their conviction that the joy of eternal life is found in full-on commitment to Jesus has waned. Something else has become more important to them.

Instead of spending emotional capital on those who leave, focus on the faithful who persevere. They will only be 10 percent to 15 percent of the congregation, but those are the people with whom you will build an enduring ministry.

Preach the gospel to the rest. Invite them to join in life as fully devoted followers. And when someone drops out after a good start, let them go. Wish them well, and leave the door open.

But move on to those who are earnest in the ministry. That’s where Jesus has called you to serve.

Photo source: istock 

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Bud Brown is an experienced ministry leader, writer and educator. He is co-founder of Turnaround Pastors and co-author of the ground-breaking Pastor Unique: Becoming A Turnaround Leader. He brings special expertise to change leadership in the local church, mentoring pastors to become revitalization leaders, training churches how to find and recruit the best talent, and training leadership teams how to achieve their shared goals. Learn More »

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