A case study in team conflict

Dr. Andy Zawacki Oct. 7, 2020

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I was sitting in our conference room at a team meeting, when that all-too-familiar feeling swept over me. Bob was speaking again in a condescending way to Tony, whose face had already started reacting. Bob wasn't aware of what he was doing.

As the team leader, what was my responsibility in dealing with this conflict? Believe it or not, there were many options. Here are a few that occurred to me at the time:

1. Do nothing. Members of the team are responsible for their own relationships and emotions. On the positive side, doing nothing gives Tony the room to grow in this ability to confront and deal with conflict. On the negative side, doing nothing may not move the needle in team dynamics. The issue between Tony and Bob may become the proverbial elephant in the room if I don't address it.
2. Speak with Tony. I could talk to Tony privately him about his relationship with Bob. Is there history or some other factor that makes Tony dislike Bob's way of speaking? What is behind this apparent conflict? On the positive side, speaking with Tony directly deals with the issue at hand. It is Tony who is offended by Bob. On the negative side, speaking with Tony may make him aware that he's the one being perceived as negative. This might also be a positive thing, ultimately (if he can make a change).
3. Speak with Bob. I could make Bob aware of how he's being perceived by Tony. This is problematic and rarely results in accomplishing anything positive. Bob will probably be defensive and will undoubtedly ask why Tony did not come to him to speak to him directly. Bob may perceive you as a meddler and as taking sides.
4. Discuss the issue as a team.If you are working to create an open, honest, and transparent environment for your team, you may wish to bring the conflict out during the team meeting. On the positive side, this would result in the team realizing that relationships are vital to the success of the team. When personal conflicts occur, the team is impacted and will confront the issues that stand in the way of progress. On the negative side, confronting a situation like this may result in bad feelings. In this case, Bob is unaware of the problem so he may feel ambushed and singled out.

The team leader has several options to think through when dealing with interpersonal conflict in the team. The overall health of the team will be a determining factor in choosing a solution. In the end, I chose to speak with Tony about the situation. He admitted to me that the problem was his—he had a father who spoke to him in similar ways and he was transferring bad attitudes to Bob without even knowing it. He made the choice to deal with those emotions and found that Bob's future conversations were much more enjoyable.

I continue to work on team relationships so that we will one day be able to call each other out when necessary. It would be best if Tony were able to express his feelings about Bob in front of the team to get team perspective. We're not there yet, but will in time and with intentionality.

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Andy Zawacki, a former pastor and teacher has a passion for developing leaders who will change the world. He serves as the Head of School at Arborbrook Christian Academy. He is married to Michelle and is dad to triplets, Josh, Anna and Christie. Learn More »

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