60 years later: why our marriage continues to last
My wife and I celebrated our 60th anniversary this past Thursday. To mark the occasion, we gathered our growing family—21 of us in all—for a weekend in the Smoky Mountains, a place where we've vacationed together for years. We rented a large cabin and spent three days with our children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and their spouses.
We had a terrific time just being together, but the highlight for me came each evening. After dinner, we gathered for a short worship time and a devotional led by one of my grandsons. (Of course, my wife and I feel each of them could be the next Billy Graham!) The evenings became something to cherish—filled with reflection, laughter, rejoicing, and even a few tears.
So what is it that keeps a marriage together for 60 years? According to the Census Bureau, only 6% of couples make it to their 50th anniversary. Fewer still—only about 1%—reach 60 years. And only one in a thousand make it to 70.
Judy and I are blessed to be among the 1% who have been married for sixty years:
- 6 decades
- 60 years
- 720 months
- 3,130 weeks
- 21,925 days
- 525,960 hours
- 31,557,600 minutes
- 1,893,456,000 seconds
Has every second been pleasant? No. Has every minute been marital bliss? Not exactly.
There were moments—thankfully rare—when we barely spoke and hurt each other with silence or stubbornness. There have been times of blissful romance. But most of the time, we were simply content to be with each other—grateful for the deep assurance that there was one person in this world to whom we mattered most.
Over the past few days, I've reflected on a question I'm often asked: What holds a marriage together? Why do some couples make it a lifetime while others drift apart?
Many good answers come to mind—communication, forgiveness, shared values, mutual interests. But from my perspective, here are five qualities that have held us together through six decades of life and love:
#1 Committed by covenant to Christ and one another
First and foremost, when both husband and wife are committed to Christ and His Word, they view marriage not merely as a contract between two people, but as a sacred covenant with Almighty God. The wedding vow isn't just a promise made in front of friends and family—it's a solemn pledge made with the Judge of the Universe. God isn't merely a witness to the union; He is a participant in it.
That reality should weigh heavily on the hearts of those who say, "I do." It means divorce isn't treated as an escape hatch when things get difficult. That's not to say there are never tragic situations—Scripture itself makes allowances for a few. But in a Christian marriage, the covenant is expected to endure hardship. It's not held together by feelings or convenience, but by character, faith, and reverence for God.
There's a huge difference between thinking, "If my spouse doesn't change, I'm leaving," and thinking, "Because we're in this for life, we need to work this out—for both our sakes."
That's also why Scripture warns, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). That isn't narrow-minded; it's protective. A person without Christ can't fully grasp the weight of a covenant made with God. Promises are easily broken. Romance fades.
Preferences shift. But a vow made with God is anchored in something eternal:
"The word of our God endures forever" (Isaiah 40:8).
#2 Realistic expectations
Couples who remain married for a lifetime don't expect utopia. They've usually had parents who didn't pamper them into thinking the world revolves around their needs. And they've dated long enough to realize their partner isn't perfect.
"There is no one righteous, not even one" (Romans 3:10).
They understand that no one person can meet every emotional or psychological need. So when challenges arise, they don't panic or assume they've married the wrong person. They don't go chasing a mythical "soulmate" who will make every day heaven on earth.
#3 Godly friends
Someone said, "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future." Paul warned:
"Bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33).
If your closest friends share your values and faith, their encouragement will strengthen your marriage. But if your friends flirt with temptation or mock fidelity, they'll eventually erode your commitment. That's why fellowship in a Bible-believing church or small group is so vital. Christian couples aren't perfect, but they are far more likely to offer the kind of positive reinforcement that leads to long-term faithfulness.
#4 Physical intimacy
Sex isn't the only thing that sustains a marriage—but it matters more than our culture likes to admit.
The Bible commands married couples not to deprive each other, "so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Corinthians 7:5).
Healthy intimacy reduces temptation, fosters forgiveness, and bonds a couple in ways that go far beyond the physical. Two people who've shared sixty years of loving, learning, and serving one another likely know more about real sexual fulfillment than the world's most celebrated "players."
#5 Daily unselfishness
Of all the virtues needed for a lasting marriage, one rises above the rest: unselfishness.
One unselfish person in a marriage can bring stability. Two unselfish people can build something beautiful.
A narcissist demands constant attention and approval. A mildly selfish spouse keeps score to ensure everything's 50/50. A deeply selfish person often struggles to forgive. But someone who humbly chooses to prioritize their spouse day after day creates a foundation that nothing can shake.
That's why Scripture urges us to follow Christ's example:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves… not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others" (Philippians 2:3–4).
As we celebrated and worshipped with our children, grandchildren, and their spouses, I was again reminded that marriage and family are gifts from God—designed as the very foundation of human society.
I thank God daily for a wife who has been steady, patient, affectionate, and encouraging for six decades. And even though she's now in her eighties, she's still attractive to me.
God is so good!
"All my life You have been faithful,
all my life You have been so, so good.
With every breath that I am able,
I will sing of the goodness of God."
 | Bob Russell became the pastor of Southeast Christian Church at just 22 years old. That small congregation of 120 members became one of the largest churches in America, with 18,000 people attending the four worship services every weekend in 2006 when Bob retired. Now through Bob Russell Ministries, Bob continues to preach at churches; conferences throughout the United States, provide guidance for church leadership, mentor other ministers and author Bible study videos for use in small groups. Learn More » |
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