6 lessons learned through the reality of loneliness

Jonathan Hayashi Feb. 5, 2023

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As Christians, we should not be surprised by all the difficulties we face with people that can lead to loneliness. Scripture clearly states this is a war that wages within.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions" (James 4:1-3).

1. It will be a myth to believe that healthy churches do not have conflict and mature leaders overcome the discouragement of loneliness.God is not the author of chaos, but the provider who leads his people to peace.

"He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth" (Philippians 2:8-10).

2. Look to Christ amid your loneliness.You and I are part of a greater story where the victory has already been won through the purchased blood of our precious Savior.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin" (Hebrews 4:15).

3. Your suffering allows you to have greater compassion and sympathy for those who live in loneliness and depression. God allows you to grow in greater love and patience for those who are suffering.

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world" (1 Peter 5:8-9).

4. Part of ministry is going through the school of tribulation. Unless one goes through, one never learns to get strong. As A.W. Tozer puts it well in the book Root of Righteousness, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply."

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24).

5. Ministry indeed is lonely as you are ministering to many people in the flock. Pastors are constantly pouring into the lives of many and so often receive little in return. However, there are truly few men you can trust that become lifetime friends. Pray to God that he will send you a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

"Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature" (1 Corinthians 14:20).

6. True spiritual maturity is not based on education or even age. Truly spiritual maturity comes from steadiness and patience. As one preacher puts it this way, truly visible maturity is shown only when they don't get their way. Then you see their true nature.

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Dr. Jonathan Hayashi earned his B.A. from Moody Bible Institute with a double concentration in Pastoral Ministry and Biblical Studies; a M.A., in Congregational Leadership from Moody Theological Seminary, and Doctorate of Educational Ministry in Biblical Counseling from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He presently serves on the Executive Committee at Southwest Baptist University (Bolivar, MO) and serves on the Board of Trustees at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He served as Senior Pastor at Northern Hills Baptist Church Holt, Missouri from 2020-2022. Learn More »

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