5 signs for knowing if you're an insecure leader

Carey Nieuwhof June 6, 2024

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So…over the years, I've struggled with insecurity as a leader. Maybe you have too. Most leaders I know struggle with some level of insecurity.

But there was a season where I didn't really know I was insecure. And with most things in leadership, knowledge is power. You can't address a problem you're unaware of. In the meantime, how would you know whether insecurity occupies some real estate in your life?

Because self-awareness is a major step toward personal change, here are five signs you're an insecure leader:

1. You are constantly comparing yourself to others.

We have lots to learn from other people, but insecure people aren't driven so much by a desire to learn as they are to know whether they are better or worse than others. There is a world of difference between tracking with someone to grow and learn, and tracking other people or organizations to see how you stack up. One is healthy, the other destructive. As Andy Stanley says, there is no win in comparison.

2. Your sense of self-worth is driven by your latest results.

Your opinion of yourself rises and falls with your attendance, blog stats, comment thread, reviews, and what others say about you. I do monitor most of those things, but I've had to learn not to obsess over them. God's opinion of me doesn't change with people's opinion of me. I need to learn from trends and learn from others, but I cannot let someone else determine my worth. Preachers, you aren't nearly as good as your last message, or as bad.

3. You can't celebrate someone else's success.

This trait is a telltale sign that you are insecure. Why can't you just give a compliment? Why can't you be genuinely happy when someone else succeeds? Life is not a zero-sum game—at least not life in God's Kingdom. For you to win, someone else does not have to lose. If you can't compliment a competitor, why not? If you can't celebrate a colleague, is it because you're worried others might think they are better than you? You do not need to be the only one who is 'great' at something.

4. You make no room for people who are more gifted or competent than you.

This is where your personal traits inflict direct harm to your organization (not that the other traits don't, but this one has a direct and lethal impact). The sign of a great leader is not that they are the most gifted or competent person in the organization. The sign of a great leader is someone who can attract and keep people more gifted and competent than themselves. The future will belong to people who can forge great alliances, make great partnerships, and attract great people.

5. You need to be the final word on everything.

Insecure people end up being controlling people. You don't need experts because you want to be the expert. Know-it-alls weren't much fun in kindergarten; they are less fun in the adult world. The truth is most of us are only great at one or two things, and even then, you become good at it with the help and advice of others. When you value the counsel and input of others—especially on the things you're best at—you embark on a path toward greater wisdom.

Those are some signs I've seen that mark insecurity in myself and others.

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Carey Nieuwhof is a former lawyer and founding pastor of Connexus Church. He’s the author of several best-selling books, including, Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges That No One Expects But Everyone Experiences. Carey speaks to leaders around the world about leadership, change and personal growth. Learn More »

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