3 ways to offer positive, focused attention

David Bowman Sept. 10, 2019

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Recently, I attended an event in a suburb of Atlanta. Two groups in separate training events occupied the same venue. Both groups met together on the second morning for a time of worship and prayer. 

With coffee in hand, I found my seat from the first day occupied. Continuing to search for an open place, I ended up on the back row in an overflow room. 

The devotional thought for the morning included a lesson from the leader’s trip to Africa. A group he visited there had a practice that warmed his heart. Whenever a person met someone new, he or she would acknowledge the other by saying, “If you are here, I am here.” 

That’s good stuff. Here are some lessons from this wonderful quote. 

1. Notice the other person

Acknowledging another person may not seem like a big deal, but have you noticed how many people avoid eye contact and kind words? When little things can mean so much, why do we not make more effort to lift another’s burdens, to brighten their days even if only for a moment?

Practice with me. Here’s the scenario: You walk into an elevator. Someone is already there. He or she is going to notice you. A gentle smile and a soft hello are all it takes to acknowledge the other person. It breaks the discomfort of being shut up in a small box for who knows how long. 

Also, take your hands out of your pockets. This is one of the most important things we can do when speaking in public as well. It helps people relax. 

2. Let people know they have your full and focused attention

I doubt I could pull off saying, “If you are here, I am here” to random strangers in elevators, grocery stores or at football games. However, when someone wants to speak more than a cursory greeting, I should stop and make eye contact. This helps me provide the focused attention everyone longs for and so few receive in life-affirming amounts.

Body language is the most powerful communication tool we have. Even if the other person cannot see us, like when we are speaking on the telephone, they can still hear whether we are smiling. Lean in to provide full focus, but not in a creepy way. If you do not know the difference, ask someone who will tell you the truth. 

3. Listen so that people will talk

The best conversationalists listen more than they talk. They ask powerful questions appropriate to the moment and the relationship. They give people room to express themselves aloud. They seek further information through follow-up questions. They summarize and repeat back what they hear without sounding like amateur psychologists. They introduce people to others who are also interested in the same topics. 

The best conversations are driven by questions, not commentary. Try to avoid sucking up all the oxygen in the room. Sitting in the doctor’s office recently, I overheard the song, “Shut Up and Drive.” That’s a good reminder. Drive the conversation with questions. Remember Will Rogers’ famous axiom, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” 

Everyone wants to be noticed, even those who play hard to get. The motivations and needs are different, but every man, woman and child wants someone to pay attention to them. You could help build a better world with a winsome smile and a kind word.

Photo source: istock 

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David Bowman, (DMin, PCC) is the Executive Director of Tarrant Baptist Association in Fort Worth, Texas. He also serves as a Multiplying Trainer for Future Church Co. Learn More »

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