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He rose to his feet—the chair kicked out behind him. His faced flushed and red. His knuckles were white—his fingers spread-out and forcefully pressed on the wooden table. It was a showdown.
On the other side of the table was his “adversary.” Both men, snarling as if cast for a Hollywood shootout scene—neither buckling from his position. Both believed they were in the right.
I sat in awe. What just happened? Wasn’t this a deacon’s meeting? Indeed, it was. And the aftermath was worse. The deacon (and his family) left the church—and the pastor became bitter.
I’ll never forget that night—for many reasons.
If you’ve been in leadership for any length of time, you’ve witnessed conflict—maybe not this fueled with emotion, but you have. Most leaders loathe committees and meetings when there’s conflict.
How can leaders navigate the waves of turmoil to bring calm? Here are three helpful ways to ease conflict and cultivate teamwork.
1. Ease conflict with Christ-like humility
The hall of fame football coach, Vince Lombardi stated, “Leaders aren't born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal or any goal.” Easing conflict is like cultivating teamwork. It’s intentional and takes hard work.
There’s a reason why the Apostle Paul penned the words, “labors of love” (1 Thessalonians 1:3). The word labor denotes discomfort and exertion. Loving people is hard work—it’s difficult.
As leaders, we are to seek after Christ-like humility—that, too, incurs intentionality. Conflict should always be diffused by love. Becoming angered is gasoline on a fire.
As the Proverb declares, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Learning to work together—as a whole—takes an intentional labor of love. It seems that most “teams” have individual trailblazers that desire to lead the excursion. But, Christ-like humility guides us throughconflict—to think less of self and more of the unified whole.
2. Cultivate servant-like fellowship
There’s an old wives’ tale, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” The church is the only organization on earth that collects diverse ethnic, cultural and social norms, behaviors, and dysfunctions, expecting the results to be harmonious.
If you’ve grown up with siblings, you know how difficult it can be to love them—life on life isn’t easy.
Leadership teams should intentionally cultivate a servant-like fellowship. Recently, Philip Nation was discussing his new book, Habits for Our Holiness. He described how we choose to pick up one of two washbasins in daily life: (1) the basin of servanthood, as Christ washed the disciples’ feet, or (2) the basin of judgment, as Pilate washed his hands.
To cultivate healthy teamwork and resolve conflict, leaders should strive to carry the basin of servanthood—to serve with an attitude of unity.
Mostly, conflict occurs due to individualism, ego and pride. The “basin of servanthood” demolishes superiority and creates a sense of fellowship among team-leaders.
3. Cultivate a unified vision and mission
Lastly, conflict can be avoided by cultivating a unified vision and mission.
Some leaders desire to implement their own vision and mission—without consulting others. However, when a collaboration of leaders is invited into the vision and mission process, there is an investment.
Cultivation is an intentional word. If you desire teamwork from your leadership, it begins with you.
While the aspect of beginning with collective cooperation can avoid later conflict, it may not help ease it. But, it does allow leaders to address conflict in a soft-spoken, collective, and calm reminder of the team’s initial agreement.
Leadership dissension can be catastrophic and toxic to any organization. It is the leader’s duty to cultivate deliberate unity, by serving, loving and maintaining the focus of the vision and mission.
Lastly, conflict should never be avoided. When it appears, face it head-on. Rely on grace and humility. Think about the big picture—the vision and mission—and weigh the costs.
Photo source: istock
 | Dr. Matthew Fretwell is a church missiologist, professor, trainer, author, and practitioner. He currently serves on faculty at the Regent University School of Divinity as an Assistant Professor of Practical Theology. He's written ten books and peer-reviewed papers, with a recent three-volume book series entitled, Multiply Jesus (Church Planting, Church revitalization, and Missionary Preparedness). Learn More » |
This isn’t just another leadership book—it’s your invitation to discover how Christ-centered questions can transform the way you lead and live. Packed with real stories and timeless wisdom, it shows you how to grow your influence, deepen your faith, and lead with the same life-changing impact Jesus did.
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